Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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