Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
