a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
