I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
