well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
