I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
