Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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