I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
