i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
