who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
