He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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