Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
