seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
