This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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