Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
