That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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