Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
