She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
