Don't make out with my wife yet
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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