I faked an abortion last night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
