i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
