i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
