All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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