Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
