What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
