I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
