yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
