I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
