Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
