I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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