I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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