Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
