worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
