My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
