Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
