I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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