Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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