it hurts more in the daytime
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
