It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
3pm strippers are depressing
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
