If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
