u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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