just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
