Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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