I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
