I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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