Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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