Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
