I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
