peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
