I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
