sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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